consecrates | (no subject)

[Forget? Suzaku doesn't know the meaning of the word, but he won't insist on being unreasonable. They're both sorry, fair enough, but he still owes her a proper apology.

Leaning back against the pew, Suzaku folds one leg over the other.]

No, you can't be. You're capable of defending yourself and making your own choices. [A sigh. No, a huff.] Why do you keep mentioning Lelouch?

[Yes, that's bothering him. He'll get back onto the subject of apologies in just a minute.]

[ don't huff at her. it doesn't suit you, noodle. ]

Lelouch is part of this group, isn't he? So he's part of this conversation about responsibility, even if he's not here.

[ because lbr, he needs suzaku's attention and care more than the two of them combined. so she has to emphasise him. ]

Are we good?

[Huff!! Yelling loudly suits Suzaku much better, but again, there's a certain nag he's trying very hard not to wake up.]

No, we're not good. I'm talking to you, not to Lelouch, and not to our group.

[Anger really does become him, but the last thing Suzaku wants to do right now is lose his temper. He's trying very hard not to.]

If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine, but don't treat me like I'm not an individual with my own thoughts and feelings.

[ davina falls quiet again, if only to let him vent. rising up to his anger isn't going to help them, and it's not like she doesn't understand his frustrations. but her point stands, she's not accepting his apology. ]

That was not my intention at all, Suzaku. [ and he knows it, but sure, go off on her. ] I'm just saying that if this happens again, and you know it will, then you need to be responsible for yourself first and foremost and other people next.

[ so they don't have to rehash this same argument again. ]

[At this rate, they'll never get off this subject, so Suzaku switches gears. Compared to the alternative, however, perhaps Davina will wish they had.

Just as bluntly as he'd asked Lelouch, Suzaku turns to Davina and begs his question.]

You have a card too, don't you? Show it to me.

[ her expression briefly changes from surprise to confusion to just plain severe in under a minute. like yeah, davina doesn't wish to remain on the subject of whatever transpired between them but she also doesn't want this. ]

No. [ she shakes her head. can he not. ] I won't show it to you, Suzaku.

You don't trust me.

[Oh, he's in full-on shitheel mode now. Why step out of the hole he's made for himself when he can dig down deeper?]

[ look at the mental olympics happening here. davina's in disbelief. if this is suzaku's way of apologising, then it's a shitty apology and she's not going to stand for it (even if she's sitting right now). ]

How did you even get to that conclusion? You need to cool off your head, Suzaku.

[ does he need help? she'll be happy to throw water in his face. ]

[No, this is Suzaku taking a minor issue and turning it into a major problem. As he does.]

I'm fine, Davina. Just fine. I can't force you to tell me anything you don't want to, but I wish you'd place some faith in me. I want to help you.

[He gets that he can't do much, isn't good for much, but please.]

[ more like he's taking another person's problem and making it his own. and again, it's something that davina won't stand for.

it has nothing to do with what he's capable or not capable of doing, because god knows she can't do everything herself. but they have more than enough to deal with, suzaku especially with lelouch in tow. he knows this, she knows this. ]

I trust you and I appreciate that you want to help me. [ she does, really. ] But it's my card and it's my problem to deal with. You have enough on your plate without me adding to it.

[Why won't anyone let him be helpful??? Goddamn. Everyone around him is so fucking stubborn, including himself.]

...somehow, I wonder if you'll do anything with that card. You don't seem like the type who would easily cast aside your modesty.

[Unlike Suzaku. Unlike Lelouch, apparently.]

[ pot, kettle, etc. this church needs to be purified again and be removed of any trace of self-deprecation. it's starting to suffocate her already.

shrugging: ] Who knows? I might be desperate enough for 3 decent meals every day that I might do something with it.

[ very, very unlikely when she's been dealing with the same tasteless (and sometimes close to rotting) food that she's been finding for a month now, and she's so far survived. she has higher tolerance for this kind of bullshit than most people, having dealt with it before. ]

My point is, it's not something that should be weighing on your mind at all.

[...so she says, yet Davina won't show Suzaku any of the terrible things she'd be left to do in exchange for some actual food.

Suzaku sighs loudly, unwilling to censor himself in the face of Davina's stubbornness.]

You live with people who can help you. Turning to strangers for those sorts of things isn't the best idea.

[ he can sigh a million times, but she's not budging, even folding her arms across her chest to get her point across. pot, kettle, whatever. there are honestly more important things that he should be thinking of than her own desire for a plate of beignets. ]

But it is, because then, I won't have to worry about what kind of a relationship this stranger and I will have in the end, other than something mutually beneficial.

Edited (i hate myself ) 2020-06-19 18:55 (UTC)

[Suzaku can concern himself with whatever he damn well wants to, thank you, including whatever strangers Davina will come to rely on for 'favors' in the future.

Look. If she sees any big, intimidating blond men anywhere near this church, they'll be having words.]

Do you think you'd have that issue with me?

[Do you think Suzaku is the kind of person to fall ass over heels for people super easily? He is, but on what grounds can she accuse him of such???]

You sound scared.

[ pls, if she sees any blond men anywhere near this church, it only means he brought them over. and she's washing her hands of any responsibility if his ass gets handed to him again. she'll probably die anyway if she tries that stunt again with the healing spell. ]

You can think whatever you want. [ and he can provoke her as much as he wants. ] But you're still not seeing my card.

[Just leave him to bleed next time. Heaven knows this bitch is harder to extinguish than the most stubborn of cockroaches.]

What about Lelouch? Would you prefer him over me?

[Oh no, this isn't missing the point. This is vaulting right over it with pinpoint precision.]

[ you know what, since this conversation is taking too long, she's standing up and getting water. maybe tea even, since she found plants outside that she can use. chamomile is good for the nerves, for calming down. suzaku needs it with the somersaults his mind is doing right now.

davina has to roll her eyes at that, attempting to find something she can use to make tea goddammit. any harder, and her eyeballs would definitely fall out. ]

Why does my preference even matter?

[A shame, because tea sounds good right about now. Every heavy conversation should be done over a cup of tea, though Suzaku would prefer green tea if he had the choice.

Instead, Suzaku's content to sit here and quietly simmer.]

Your preference shouldn't be to hand yourself over to a stranger. Even if you can light them on fire if they overstep your boundaries, there's nothing enjoyable in sharing things like this with someone you have no emotional ties to.

More than anything, it's exhausting.

[ suzaku can find his own tea leaves if he's going to be picky. ]

Who said I want to enjoy it? [ there he goes, assuming things again. the mere fact that they're being made to do these things in exchange for the comforts of life is barely enjoyable in itself. ] It's just to get something that I want, isn't it? I don't have to enjoy the process as long as I get what I want in the end.

[ besides, even if she wanted to enjoy it, she couldn't. the person she wanted to do it the most with is dead. ]

Sex is supposed to be enjoyable.

[Look, he finally said it, no more tiptoeing around the subject.]

You'll give away too much of yourself if you insist on relying on strangers... but I've already said too much.

[No means no– even Suzaku understands that. Leaning forward in his seat, Suzaku rests his chin in his hand, staring not at Davina, but at the floor.]

Just do me one favor. Don't let anyone take more from you than you're willing to give.

[ who is he to lecture her about giving too much of herself away? people have taken everything away from her, bit by bit, piece by piece. and she knew that they will take even more away. which is why she's forced her own feelings inside a box and sealed it somewhere dark so as not to lose anything else. ]

Not like this, it's not, [ she mutters, giving up on making tea. ] Anyway, I think we've exhausted this topic enough.

[ she looks up at suzaku impassively. ] Are we good?

Edited 2020-06-19 20:13 (UTC)

[There's little point in continuing to beat this dead horse. Suzaku holds his sighs and rises to his feet. The polite thing to do would be to end this conversation before heading for the doors, but he isn't in the mood for pleasantries today.

Instead, he'll call out to Davina over his shoulder as he goes.]

We're good.

[Not really, but– you know. Good enough.]