[ He'd expected a punch, a slap; some form of retaliation to find him the way Suzaku's anger has always found him. Instead, Davina falls short of it, and Lelouch stares at her, heeding her words— the blunt implement she's made of her anger.
So she's died as well. It's hollowing, her expression, her tears, and so he can only answer with true and genuine honesty. ]
I forfeited my life for a purpose far greater than me. Circumstances are how they are that if I were to return... I couldn't come back as myself. Not the way I am now. It's enough for Suzaku to find the sense of self he lost, and live as he should have from the very beginning.
... There's one thing that's been bothering me. And that's the fact that you don't care for your own life as much as you should.
[ If she'd been the type to care for herself, and her own well-being, she would have allowed to Suzaku to die. He stares back evenly, knowing full well that her concerns are founded, that he's admitting far too much to take back. ]
I want you to protect yourself, before everything else.
[ Or else she'll die, just like every other person who's gotten close to him— why separating himself from Nunnally was so necessary, or else she'd be killed the same as all the others who chose to trust him wholeheartedly. ]
... I don't intend to die again, Davina. I'll find the way out of here for all of us.
[ she has to roll her eyes at that, shaking her head at how absurd that sounds to her. a cause that requires a person to give up their life is no cause at all, no matter how supposedly noble it is. lives shouldn't have to be sacrificed for the supposed greater good of others. ]
And then what? Once you've found the way out of here, what will happen to you?
[ he can grandstand all he wants about his plans and intentions and choices. but davina can tell that he's nevertheless excluding himself from all of those, focusing on others—which makes him the same kind of hypocrite as she is.
and does he truly believe that suzaku would hold onto that life he wants for him if he were to return to their world without lelouch? does he not realise whose life suzaku's world revolves around?
she folds her arms across her chest, steadying her foothold on gawain's floor. ]
You say that you don't intend to die again, but you don't seem too keen on returning to your world either.
I don't suppose you'd let me accompany you to yours. [ His mouth affects wryness, setting his cheek atop a closed fist, staring her head-on. ] Kidding.
[ Maybe, maybe not. Anywhere's better than this world, but at least while they're tempting fate, he can entertain thoughts of something that will never come to be. Hypocrisy runs in their blood, after all. For as much as she protests, Davina understands. ]
If I'm given the option, I'll go. But I'd choose to prioritize either of you first. You've still got things to accomplish. A world to return to.
[ And Lelouch is outside, pragmatic as he can be. ]
It's only logical. ... If I don't figure a way out soon, Davina, then Suzaku... will end up destroying himself trying to do the same.
[ davina's heart almost stops at his proposition, her eyes widening. but it's not out of surprise, trepidation visible on her face as she pushes away any thoughts of what might befall him should he return to new orleans with her. she only breathes again when he says that he's joking, unwilling to entertain any such ideas. he should stop giving her panic attacks like that.
she closes her eyes, lifting a hand to massage her head. no, she shouldn't think about it. it's not something she will allow to happen at all. ] Never mind me. Prioritise Suzaku and then yourself.
[ she's capable of dealing with this island without losing herself, unlike the both of them. and never mind that she has unfinished business back at home, it simply doesn't mean that she should take precedence over himself. she doesn't even understand why she's included in this talk, why she's suddenly part of his grand plan to send themselves home.
a beat, before she exhales heavily: ] ... There's always putting him to sleep until you've found a way out. But then knowing you, you'd destroy yourself doing the same thing while he slept, right?
[ That promise is iron-clad; if he's dead, there's only Davina left to stop Suzaku from going off the deep end. Beyond himself, he can't expect anyone else to prioritize his friend's safety. It is what it is. He no longer cares for himself but it isn't as if his self-preservation instinct has disappeared the way it has for Suzaku. It's there, drowning in that roiling sea of purposelessness.
Since awakening in this place, his life has been the same: a lie, through and through. And if Suzaku died— if the dreams he persevered toward culminating in nothing— he'd only end up dying as well.
He stands at once, strides those narrow walkway stairs to her. ]
Don't put him to sleep. He should be free to decide as he will.
[ Even if Lelouch hates some of those choices with every fiber of his being. Acceptance has always been the most difficult lesson to learn. ]
... You've died once, same as I. So you know exactly why we can't let Suzaku go through the same thing.
[ will he? she somehow have doubts about that, his actions seemingly telling her otherwise.
still, davina says nothing for a moment, if only because she nevertheless agrees with lelouch's sentiment about suzaku. it's perhaps hypocritical of her, given the blood that stains her hands, to say that she doesn't wish the finality of death to anyone―and yet, the case is true for the both of them. ]
No, we can't, [ she says with another sigh, lowering her gaze to her seat, to the papers scattered on it written with various signs and symbols in suspicious ink. ] Even though I know ...
[ that they wouldn't experience the same kind of afterlife as she did, she's certain of it. her lips press together thinly and her hands close to fists again, nails digging sharply into her palm. no, even if she knows that they won't, there's no way she'll allow any of them to die.
davina lifts and fixes her gaze on lelouch once more. ]
With that kind of resolve, then I suppose I should expect that you'd use everything you have at your disposal.
[ To kill is to accept the burden of being killed in turn.
They both hold onto it; he's as much of a killer as Suzaku, perhaps worse for that conscious realization that he'll always be this creature that acts one way and lies in others. She had to have realized that the first day, regaling her the stupid feats he'd caused and the death that followed in its wake.
She doesn't seem a willing martyr. So she must be like the rest of them, always, unconsciously, atoning for a wrong that needs to be righted. ]
I will. Whatever it takes. Whatever he needs, until he can return. [ He extends his hand to her. Lelouch isn't one for proximity, but what he's trying to offer to her now is sincere. ] I won't allow you to die in this place, not when you have a place to return to.
[ davina doesn't doubt his sincerity, reaching out to take his proferred hand. after all, she's pretty sure it's a leap for faith for someone like lelouch to trust what's essentially an outsider like her, to allow her a glimpse of their secrets. she knows, because she's the same as him: reluctant to trust, to depend on others. ]
You can rest easy, then. [ she offers him a smile. ] I have no intention to die.
[ that hasn't changed since they met the second time in the church, and she doesn't see it changing no matter how long it takes for her to return. she's made a promise back at home and she's yet to fulfill it, so she needs to go back. whatever it takes. ]
I hope you don't mind if I don't curtsy. [ or kiss his hand or whatever you do to kings like him. ] It's not my thing, as one leader to another.
[ Circumstances brought them together. Rather than be victimized by it, he'll let it empower him. Anything Lelouch can use, he will.
But she's no tool. Her help is what he'll earn, not wrest forcibly from her with geass, regardless of whether it'd work. It's important she understands that, and why he's yielded so many secrets to her, why Gawain's key is still in her hand and not his. There is no way out yet, but not for lack of trying. He relinquishes her hand, laughing. ]
No need. I only wanted your hand. I suppose I could go after your life next, as one leader to another.
[ Since competition is such an ill-mannered mistress. If Davina's more of a witch than C.C., she's likely got a coven to herself. ]
Rather than break my promise to you so soon, come by the church again. I'll meet you there. ... See you.
[ Looks like it's time to escort himself out, as haphazardly as he'd arrived. ]
[ when she said that she'll expect him to use everything he has at his disposal, she expected him to include her. he's aware of what she can do, after all, and she wouldn't have batted an eyelash if he were to decide that she's useful to his cause. so it's a pleasant surprise when he didn't ask her for her power, for her abilities.
she's had enough of people using her. she wants a choice, for once.
davina lifts an eyebrow at that remark, amusement tugging at the corner of her lips as she draws her hand back. ]
You could, but that would mean letting Suzaku watch something very unpleasant, like having your ass handed to you.
[ and she's not that mean to mentally scar his best friend, or suicidal to make an enemy out of him; she's still mortal after all. so really, she'll take up his challenge when he can finally climb the scaffolding without running out of breath. until then, a truce is in order between them.
she lifts a hand to wave at him, smiling. ]
See you, Lelouch. Make sure to behave until I get back.
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no subject
So she's died as well. It's hollowing, her expression, her tears, and so he can only answer with true and genuine honesty. ]
I forfeited my life for a purpose far greater than me. Circumstances are how they are that if I were to return... I couldn't come back as myself. Not the way I am now. It's enough for Suzaku to find the sense of self he lost, and live as he should have from the very beginning.
... There's one thing that's been bothering me. And that's the fact that you don't care for your own life as much as you should.
[ If she'd been the type to care for herself, and her own well-being, she would have allowed to Suzaku to die. He stares back evenly, knowing full well that her concerns are founded, that he's admitting far too much to take back. ]
I want you to protect yourself, before everything else.
[ Or else she'll die, just like every other person who's gotten close to him— why separating himself from Nunnally was so necessary, or else she'd be killed the same as all the others who chose to trust him wholeheartedly. ]
... I don't intend to die again, Davina. I'll find the way out of here for all of us.
no subject
And then what? Once you've found the way out of here, what will happen to you?
[ he can grandstand all he wants about his plans and intentions and choices. but davina can tell that he's nevertheless excluding himself from all of those, focusing on others—which makes him the same kind of hypocrite as she is.
and does he truly believe that suzaku would hold onto that life he wants for him if he were to return to their world without lelouch? does he not realise whose life suzaku's world revolves around?
she folds her arms across her chest, steadying her foothold on gawain's floor. ]
You say that you don't intend to die again, but you don't seem too keen on returning to your world either.
no subject
[ Maybe, maybe not. Anywhere's better than this world, but at least while they're tempting fate, he can entertain thoughts of something that will never come to be. Hypocrisy runs in their blood, after all. For as much as she protests, Davina understands. ]
If I'm given the option, I'll go. But I'd choose to prioritize either of you first. You've still got things to accomplish. A world to return to.
[ And Lelouch is outside, pragmatic as he can be. ]
It's only logical. ... If I don't figure a way out soon, Davina, then Suzaku... will end up destroying himself trying to do the same.
no subject
she closes her eyes, lifting a hand to massage her head. no, she shouldn't think about it. it's not something she will allow to happen at all. ] Never mind me. Prioritise Suzaku and then yourself.
[ she's capable of dealing with this island without losing herself, unlike the both of them. and never mind that she has unfinished business back at home, it simply doesn't mean that she should take precedence over himself. she doesn't even understand why she's included in this talk, why she's suddenly part of his grand plan to send themselves home.
a beat, before she exhales heavily: ] ... There's always putting him to sleep until you've found a way out. But then knowing you, you'd destroy yourself doing the same thing while he slept, right?
[ prove her wrong, your majesty ]
no subject
[ That promise is iron-clad; if he's dead, there's only Davina left to stop Suzaku from going off the deep end. Beyond himself, he can't expect anyone else to prioritize his friend's safety. It is what it is. He no longer cares for himself but it isn't as if his self-preservation instinct has disappeared the way it has for Suzaku. It's there, drowning in that roiling sea of purposelessness.
Since awakening in this place, his life has been the same: a lie, through and through. And if Suzaku died— if the dreams he persevered toward culminating in nothing— he'd only end up dying as well.
He stands at once, strides those narrow walkway stairs to her. ]
Don't put him to sleep. He should be free to decide as he will.
[ Even if Lelouch hates some of those choices with every fiber of his being. Acceptance has always been the most difficult lesson to learn. ]
... You've died once, same as I. So you know exactly why we can't let Suzaku go through the same thing.
no subject
still, davina says nothing for a moment, if only because she nevertheless agrees with lelouch's sentiment about suzaku. it's perhaps hypocritical of her, given the blood that stains her hands, to say that she doesn't wish the finality of death to anyone―and yet, the case is true for the both of them. ]
No, we can't, [ she says with another sigh, lowering her gaze to her seat, to the papers scattered on it written with various signs and symbols in suspicious ink. ] Even though I know ...
[ that they wouldn't experience the same kind of afterlife as she did, she's certain of it. her lips press together thinly and her hands close to fists again, nails digging sharply into her palm. no, even if she knows that they won't, there's no way she'll allow any of them to die.
davina lifts and fixes her gaze on lelouch once more. ]
With that kind of resolve, then I suppose I should expect that you'd use everything you have at your disposal.
no subject
They both hold onto it; he's as much of a killer as Suzaku, perhaps worse for that conscious realization that he'll always be this creature that acts one way and lies in others. She had to have realized that the first day, regaling her the stupid feats he'd caused and the death that followed in its wake.
She doesn't seem a willing martyr. So she must be like the rest of them, always, unconsciously, atoning for a wrong that needs to be righted. ]
I will. Whatever it takes. Whatever he needs, until he can return. [ He extends his hand to her. Lelouch isn't one for proximity, but what he's trying to offer to her now is sincere. ] I won't allow you to die in this place, not when you have a place to return to.
[ As if he could refuse her. ]
I trust you.
no subject
You can rest easy, then. [ she offers him a smile. ] I have no intention to die.
[ that hasn't changed since they met the second time in the church, and she doesn't see it changing no matter how long it takes for her to return. she's made a promise back at home and she's yet to fulfill it, so she needs to go back. whatever it takes. ]
I hope you don't mind if I don't curtsy. [ or kiss his hand or whatever you do to kings like him. ] It's not my thing, as one leader to another.
no subject
But she's no tool. Her help is what he'll earn, not wrest forcibly from her with geass, regardless of whether it'd work. It's important she understands that, and why he's yielded so many secrets to her, why Gawain's key is still in her hand and not his. There is no way out yet, but not for lack of trying. He relinquishes her hand, laughing. ]
No need. I only wanted your hand. I suppose I could go after your life next, as one leader to another.
[ Since competition is such an ill-mannered mistress. If Davina's more of a witch than C.C., she's likely got a coven to herself. ]
Rather than break my promise to you so soon, come by the church again. I'll meet you there. ... See you.
[ Looks like it's time to escort himself out, as haphazardly as he'd arrived. ]
no subject
she's had enough of people using her. she wants a choice, for once.
davina lifts an eyebrow at that remark, amusement tugging at the corner of her lips as she draws her hand back. ]
You could, but that would mean letting Suzaku watch something very unpleasant, like having your ass handed to you.
[ and she's not that mean to mentally scar his best friend, or suicidal to make an enemy out of him; she's still mortal after all. so really, she'll take up his challenge when he can finally climb the scaffolding without running out of breath. until then, a truce is in order between them.
she lifts a hand to wave at him, smiling. ]
See you, Lelouch. Make sure to behave until I get back.