[ teasing is not bullying, pls lelouch. she missed you too.
she moves to the seat below his, gathering the book she was browsing through and the pieces of paper she has scattered all over the seat. yes, she's made herself at home and since lelouch is taking her preferred chair, she has no choice but to clean up a bit. ]
In general or are you asking for something specific? Either way, I'm doing just fine.
[ carefully, as she curls in her chair, tucking her legs underneath her: ] How are things back at the church?
Interpret it as you wish. The answer didn't change, did it?
[ He's conciliatory in the chair, face tipped into his hand where he's seated his elbow along the dash display, looking down from on high in his rightful seat. She sure has cozied herself in here. ]
I'll assume you're aware of the rumors floating about regarding the Augur. If not, I'll clue you in. I've made a request to restore our current living residence. If it goes through, we should have running water. Stop by in a few days' time.
[ Lelouch acquiesces unto her a softer look, which jars with the rest of him, bony and angular and much too-sharp for conscientiousness. ]
Has Suzaku contacted you at all in the time you've spent here?
[ Doing his part to dissuade him and play mediator only goes so far. ]
[ of course it won't change. she's resilient, that much she knows about herself. she knew she would be fine even after leaving the comforts provided by the church.
still, lelouch came all the way to gawain and climbed up that annoying scaffolding simply to tell her that it's under renovation? that's quite charitable of him, expecting more of a text than a personal visit for that kind of information. does that mean there's another reason for the visit? hm. ]
He hasn't. [ she glances at him over her shoulder, noting how comfortable he is in that seat, before she returns to her book, flipping to the next page. ] I did say he's not going to, didn't I? I guess he knew his usual pushy style isn't going to work on me, but thanks for making sure anyway.
[ In fact, all of three of them could learn to be a lot less obstinate, but whatever.
The point is, she's guessed correctly. Suzaku isn't what he came here to ask about, languishing in the chair, no end to either hypocrisy or the loaded question he inflicts upon her now? ]
Did you look?
[ An innocuous question. His expression's less soft, more lacerating, weighing in on whatever she's seen in Gawain's cockpit, mostly an oversight but partially a means of reaching some common ground with Davina. For as long as she's going to continue living with them, it's best to get some things out of the way. ]
[ half of the events of their lives wouldn't have happened if they were less so, and it would be a much boring world. admit it.
see? so she's right, otherwise he would've just sent her a message. the fact that he's put off convenience and personally come to see her only means one thing: it's very important and it's not something that can be easily relayed over text. he could've just asked for her to come over, though. she could've shown him another trick. ]
I think you know the answer to that.
[ you'd think he's known better than to tell her not to look. it's human nature to be curious, and she's always been the curious sort. ]
I was wondering who owns which, but the fact that you're here gives me an idea of which is yours. [ a beat as she flips another page: ] ... Who designed them? I'm dying to know.
[ He could profess anything to her; shut her down outright, or strangle her desire to understand into something stillborn. In the very same regard, Davina can destroy him. If she has the power to still those robots and snuff a flame, it isn't difficult to believe she could bend his mind as he might be able to bend hers. Those words she'd spoken that night, like a rubber-band waiting to snap from the tension borne down onto it.
It doesn't pay to be curious. Enlightenment is much of a curse as knowledge, that insatiable drive to understand everything, even what's better left unchecked. But, well, familiarity compels him. ]
It's polite to ask first before you go rifling through someone else's belongings.
[ Still he sounds so soft; if he'd found any fault with her, he wouldn't have bothered with this kind of display. This is as honest as he can be with her: coming all this way to see her, knowing full well that she holds the advantage between the two of them. ]
[ davina wonders what he'll do with that admission, if she'll finally see the true nature of those eyes of his. she hasn't asked much about it, if only to return the courtesy he's shown her abilities. but that doesn't mean she can't sense its latent power, prickling at her skin the same way suzaku's "blessing" does. ]
You gave me access to Gawain. [ is all she'll say in response.
if he didn't want them found, then he would've hidden them elsewhere. perhaps he had banked on trust when he had handed her the key to gawain, but davina knows that he would've taken a step further if there was a secret he truly wanted to hide. lelouch is intelligent, calculative; he wouldn't have overlooked a detail like this.
she sighs, moving in her seat. her leg is starting to sleep on her so she leans to the other side, shifting her weight to her other limb. ]
To hide, [ she says with a frown. are they solving riddles now? ] Or to pretend to be someone you're not.
[ She acted entirely within expectation. There's no way she would've left it alone; it'd speak more to her ignorance to trust him so blindly, when he hasn't revealed the extent of his power or the havoc he could try wreaking, if he'd held those kinds of aims.
He's no saint. Lelouch sits there, hands steepled together, staring her down. ]
I told you what I did because I wanted to see what you would do. And yet you haven't tried to hold any of it as collateral.
[ This much is confirmation; Lelouch's hand slides off his face where it propped it up, gazing upon her. ]
You can keep your secrets. [ And keep the mask that she wears, like him, the extent of their powers still under wraps as far as it concerns each other. ] All I ask is that you continue protecting Suzaku, as someone I'll trust going forward.
[ Otherwise she wouldn't put her life on the line so it'd hang in the balance for days and days on end in that coma. That's all he needs to press forward, and given what she's seen of his garments, she can likely guess what will come out of his mouth next. ]
He used to be my knight, before I died.
[ Before everything ended for him, forever; his ambition and his dream and the world he'd let go of at last, so it could continue on without him. ]
[ davina snaps her book close, looking up at the wasteland before them.
there he goes again, the words similar in nature to those he said that morning at the church. she's made no remarks about it then except for a simple question, and his reply to her at the time didn't make sense in any way―until now, with that admission. she should've noticed it, should've realised what it's about.
... she's starting to hate gawain's cockpit, she thinks idly. ]
I get it now. Why you keep excluding yourself when you talk about your plans, why you said that you're not a priority, [ she says with a look over her shoulder, meeting lelouch's eyes. ] Am I wrong?
[ to assume that he considers his life as least priority because he's already died? ]
[ He's beginning to hate Gawain as well: the memory of it sinking into the ocean is inextricable from that day Suzaku confronted him on Kamine Island, relinquishing him to his father. It's the real reason he's avoided this hangar, why he's given the key away so easily; until he can breathe aloud what happened to Euphemia, he'll never be able to sit well in this vessel. ]
If I were to return, what do you suppose would happen to me? Do you think it'd work out so conveniently as it does here?
[ Lelouch stares down at her book, the words indistinguishable from this distance. ]
Don't be mistaken. I'm not bitter over it. Had I been given the option to redo what happened, I would make the same choice. [ It was, for all intents and purposes, essentially the way he chose to die. Having gone too far into his ambition to retreat, as he had the day he sentenced all those soldiers who would've killed him to perish in his place, there was always only one outcome for him. ] Suzaku's the one who lacks any regard for himself. If he could start caring for himself, before he returns... then perhaps it isn't too late for him to change.
[ He meets her gaze; he can't be without it right now, coerces it onto himself. ]
Protect him with me. He's a fool who doesn't see value in being alive.
[ if she could punch him, she would. as it stands, he's a little bit out of her reach unless she stands on the actual seat and reach over. davina nevertheless gets up and turns to glare at him directly, fingers curling into her palm to keep her magic from lashing out. ]
No, it wouldn't. [ to answer his question very bluntly. ] I know it wouldn't, because it didn't happen to me when I came back from the dead.
[ because she had to pick up the pieces of her life after she's woken up in st anne's, covered in the white shroud used to consecrate her. she had to struggle to regain her magic back, to find her place in the same community that took her life, to stand back up on her own two feet after being disgraced.
so she knows what it's like to question what her life would be like after she'd returned. ]
But you could always live. Find another path, do something else, go travel the world if you want to.
[ suzaku is another thing entirely, and she does agree with lelouch that he's an idiot who needs a stronger rein on his own life. she's seen it for herself when he crawled back to the church, covered in his own blood.
but perhaps she's preaching to the wrong choir, davina fighting back tears and the urge to drag him from his chair and toss him around with her magic. ] ... I'll protect Suzaku and you, because neither of you see the value in living. Which, by the way, is an insult to those who died but wasn't given a second lease on life.
[ He'd expected a punch, a slap; some form of retaliation to find him the way Suzaku's anger has always found him. Instead, Davina falls short of it, and Lelouch stares at her, heeding her words— the blunt implement she's made of her anger.
So she's died as well. It's hollowing, her expression, her tears, and so he can only answer with true and genuine honesty. ]
I forfeited my life for a purpose far greater than me. Circumstances are how they are that if I were to return... I couldn't come back as myself. Not the way I am now. It's enough for Suzaku to find the sense of self he lost, and live as he should have from the very beginning.
... There's one thing that's been bothering me. And that's the fact that you don't care for your own life as much as you should.
[ If she'd been the type to care for herself, and her own well-being, she would have allowed to Suzaku to die. He stares back evenly, knowing full well that her concerns are founded, that he's admitting far too much to take back. ]
I want you to protect yourself, before everything else.
[ Or else she'll die, just like every other person who's gotten close to him— why separating himself from Nunnally was so necessary, or else she'd be killed the same as all the others who chose to trust him wholeheartedly. ]
... I don't intend to die again, Davina. I'll find the way out of here for all of us.
[ she has to roll her eyes at that, shaking her head at how absurd that sounds to her. a cause that requires a person to give up their life is no cause at all, no matter how supposedly noble it is. lives shouldn't have to be sacrificed for the supposed greater good of others. ]
And then what? Once you've found the way out of here, what will happen to you?
[ he can grandstand all he wants about his plans and intentions and choices. but davina can tell that he's nevertheless excluding himself from all of those, focusing on others—which makes him the same kind of hypocrite as she is.
and does he truly believe that suzaku would hold onto that life he wants for him if he were to return to their world without lelouch? does he not realise whose life suzaku's world revolves around?
she folds her arms across her chest, steadying her foothold on gawain's floor. ]
You say that you don't intend to die again, but you don't seem too keen on returning to your world either.
I don't suppose you'd let me accompany you to yours. [ His mouth affects wryness, setting his cheek atop a closed fist, staring her head-on. ] Kidding.
[ Maybe, maybe not. Anywhere's better than this world, but at least while they're tempting fate, he can entertain thoughts of something that will never come to be. Hypocrisy runs in their blood, after all. For as much as she protests, Davina understands. ]
If I'm given the option, I'll go. But I'd choose to prioritize either of you first. You've still got things to accomplish. A world to return to.
[ And Lelouch is outside, pragmatic as he can be. ]
It's only logical. ... If I don't figure a way out soon, Davina, then Suzaku... will end up destroying himself trying to do the same.
[ davina's heart almost stops at his proposition, her eyes widening. but it's not out of surprise, trepidation visible on her face as she pushes away any thoughts of what might befall him should he return to new orleans with her. she only breathes again when he says that he's joking, unwilling to entertain any such ideas. he should stop giving her panic attacks like that.
she closes her eyes, lifting a hand to massage her head. no, she shouldn't think about it. it's not something she will allow to happen at all. ] Never mind me. Prioritise Suzaku and then yourself.
[ she's capable of dealing with this island without losing herself, unlike the both of them. and never mind that she has unfinished business back at home, it simply doesn't mean that she should take precedence over himself. she doesn't even understand why she's included in this talk, why she's suddenly part of his grand plan to send themselves home.
a beat, before she exhales heavily: ] ... There's always putting him to sleep until you've found a way out. But then knowing you, you'd destroy yourself doing the same thing while he slept, right?
[ That promise is iron-clad; if he's dead, there's only Davina left to stop Suzaku from going off the deep end. Beyond himself, he can't expect anyone else to prioritize his friend's safety. It is what it is. He no longer cares for himself but it isn't as if his self-preservation instinct has disappeared the way it has for Suzaku. It's there, drowning in that roiling sea of purposelessness.
Since awakening in this place, his life has been the same: a lie, through and through. And if Suzaku died— if the dreams he persevered toward culminating in nothing— he'd only end up dying as well.
He stands at once, strides those narrow walkway stairs to her. ]
Don't put him to sleep. He should be free to decide as he will.
[ Even if Lelouch hates some of those choices with every fiber of his being. Acceptance has always been the most difficult lesson to learn. ]
... You've died once, same as I. So you know exactly why we can't let Suzaku go through the same thing.
[ will he? she somehow have doubts about that, his actions seemingly telling her otherwise.
still, davina says nothing for a moment, if only because she nevertheless agrees with lelouch's sentiment about suzaku. it's perhaps hypocritical of her, given the blood that stains her hands, to say that she doesn't wish the finality of death to anyone―and yet, the case is true for the both of them. ]
No, we can't, [ she says with another sigh, lowering her gaze to her seat, to the papers scattered on it written with various signs and symbols in suspicious ink. ] Even though I know ...
[ that they wouldn't experience the same kind of afterlife as she did, she's certain of it. her lips press together thinly and her hands close to fists again, nails digging sharply into her palm. no, even if she knows that they won't, there's no way she'll allow any of them to die.
davina lifts and fixes her gaze on lelouch once more. ]
With that kind of resolve, then I suppose I should expect that you'd use everything you have at your disposal.
[ To kill is to accept the burden of being killed in turn.
They both hold onto it; he's as much of a killer as Suzaku, perhaps worse for that conscious realization that he'll always be this creature that acts one way and lies in others. She had to have realized that the first day, regaling her the stupid feats he'd caused and the death that followed in its wake.
She doesn't seem a willing martyr. So she must be like the rest of them, always, unconsciously, atoning for a wrong that needs to be righted. ]
I will. Whatever it takes. Whatever he needs, until he can return. [ He extends his hand to her. Lelouch isn't one for proximity, but what he's trying to offer to her now is sincere. ] I won't allow you to die in this place, not when you have a place to return to.
[ davina doesn't doubt his sincerity, reaching out to take his proferred hand. after all, she's pretty sure it's a leap for faith for someone like lelouch to trust what's essentially an outsider like her, to allow her a glimpse of their secrets. she knows, because she's the same as him: reluctant to trust, to depend on others. ]
You can rest easy, then. [ she offers him a smile. ] I have no intention to die.
[ that hasn't changed since they met the second time in the church, and she doesn't see it changing no matter how long it takes for her to return. she's made a promise back at home and she's yet to fulfill it, so she needs to go back. whatever it takes. ]
I hope you don't mind if I don't curtsy. [ or kiss his hand or whatever you do to kings like him. ] It's not my thing, as one leader to another.
[ Circumstances brought them together. Rather than be victimized by it, he'll let it empower him. Anything Lelouch can use, he will.
But she's no tool. Her help is what he'll earn, not wrest forcibly from her with geass, regardless of whether it'd work. It's important she understands that, and why he's yielded so many secrets to her, why Gawain's key is still in her hand and not his. There is no way out yet, but not for lack of trying. He relinquishes her hand, laughing. ]
No need. I only wanted your hand. I suppose I could go after your life next, as one leader to another.
[ Since competition is such an ill-mannered mistress. If Davina's more of a witch than C.C., she's likely got a coven to herself. ]
Rather than break my promise to you so soon, come by the church again. I'll meet you there. ... See you.
[ Looks like it's time to escort himself out, as haphazardly as he'd arrived. ]
[ when she said that she'll expect him to use everything he has at his disposal, she expected him to include her. he's aware of what she can do, after all, and she wouldn't have batted an eyelash if he were to decide that she's useful to his cause. so it's a pleasant surprise when he didn't ask her for her power, for her abilities.
she's had enough of people using her. she wants a choice, for once.
davina lifts an eyebrow at that remark, amusement tugging at the corner of her lips as she draws her hand back. ]
You could, but that would mean letting Suzaku watch something very unpleasant, like having your ass handed to you.
[ and she's not that mean to mentally scar his best friend, or suicidal to make an enemy out of him; she's still mortal after all. so really, she'll take up his challenge when he can finally climb the scaffolding without running out of breath. until then, a truce is in order between them.
she lifts a hand to wave at him, smiling. ]
See you, Lelouch. Make sure to behave until I get back.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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she moves to the seat below his, gathering the book she was browsing through and the pieces of paper she has scattered all over the seat. yes, she's made herself at home and since lelouch is taking her preferred chair, she has no choice but to clean up a bit. ]
In general or are you asking for something specific? Either way, I'm doing just fine.
[ carefully, as she curls in her chair, tucking her legs underneath her: ] How are things back at the church?
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[ He's conciliatory in the chair, face tipped into his hand where he's seated his elbow along the dash display, looking down from on high in his rightful seat. She sure has cozied herself in here. ]
I'll assume you're aware of the rumors floating about regarding the Augur. If not, I'll clue you in. I've made a request to restore our current living residence. If it goes through, we should have running water. Stop by in a few days' time.
[ Lelouch acquiesces unto her a softer look, which jars with the rest of him, bony and angular and much too-sharp for conscientiousness. ]
Has Suzaku contacted you at all in the time you've spent here?
[ Doing his part to dissuade him and play mediator only goes so far. ]
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still, lelouch came all the way to gawain and climbed up that annoying scaffolding simply to tell her that it's under renovation? that's quite charitable of him, expecting more of a text than a personal visit for that kind of information. does that mean there's another reason for the visit? hm. ]
He hasn't. [ she glances at him over her shoulder, noting how comfortable he is in that seat, before she returns to her book, flipping to the next page. ] I did say he's not going to, didn't I? I guess he knew his usual pushy style isn't going to work on me, but thanks for making sure anyway.
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[ In fact, all of three of them could learn to be a lot less obstinate, but whatever.
The point is, she's guessed correctly. Suzaku isn't what he came here to ask about, languishing in the chair, no end to either hypocrisy or the loaded question he inflicts upon her now? ]
Did you look?
[ An innocuous question. His expression's less soft, more lacerating, weighing in on whatever she's seen in Gawain's cockpit, mostly an oversight but partially a means of reaching some common ground with Davina. For as long as she's going to continue living with them, it's best to get some things out of the way. ]
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see? so she's right, otherwise he would've just sent her a message. the fact that he's put off convenience and personally come to see her only means one thing: it's very important and it's not something that can be easily relayed over text. he could've just asked for her to come over, though. she could've shown him another trick. ]
I think you know the answer to that.
[ you'd think he's known better than to tell her not to look. it's human nature to be curious, and she's always been the curious sort. ]
I was wondering who owns which, but the fact that you're here gives me an idea of which is yours. [ a beat as she flips another page: ] ... Who designed them? I'm dying to know.
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[ He could profess anything to her; shut her down outright, or strangle her desire to understand into something stillborn. In the very same regard, Davina can destroy him. If she has the power to still those robots and snuff a flame, it isn't difficult to believe she could bend his mind as he might be able to bend hers. Those words she'd spoken that night, like a rubber-band waiting to snap from the tension borne down onto it.
It doesn't pay to be curious. Enlightenment is much of a curse as knowledge, that insatiable drive to understand everything, even what's better left unchecked. But, well, familiarity compels him. ]
It's polite to ask first before you go rifling through someone else's belongings.
[ Still he sounds so soft; if he'd found any fault with her, he wouldn't have bothered with this kind of display. This is as honest as he can be with her: coming all this way to see her, knowing full well that she holds the advantage between the two of them. ]
What's the purpose of a mask, Davina?
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You gave me access to Gawain. [ is all she'll say in response.
if he didn't want them found, then he would've hidden them elsewhere. perhaps he had banked on trust when he had handed her the key to gawain, but davina knows that he would've taken a step further if there was a secret he truly wanted to hide. lelouch is intelligent, calculative; he wouldn't have overlooked a detail like this.
she sighs, moving in her seat. her leg is starting to sleep on her so she leans to the other side, shifting her weight to her other limb. ]
To hide, [ she says with a frown. are they solving riddles now? ] Or to pretend to be someone you're not.
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He's no saint. Lelouch sits there, hands steepled together, staring her down. ]
I told you what I did because I wanted to see what you would do. And yet you haven't tried to hold any of it as collateral.
[ This much is confirmation; Lelouch's hand slides off his face where it propped it up, gazing upon her. ]
You can keep your secrets. [ And keep the mask that she wears, like him, the extent of their powers still under wraps as far as it concerns each other. ] All I ask is that you continue protecting Suzaku, as someone I'll trust going forward.
[ Otherwise she wouldn't put her life on the line so it'd hang in the balance for days and days on end in that coma. That's all he needs to press forward, and given what she's seen of his garments, she can likely guess what will come out of his mouth next. ]
He used to be my knight, before I died.
[ Before everything ended for him, forever; his ambition and his dream and the world he'd let go of at last, so it could continue on without him. ]
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[ davina snaps her book close, looking up at the wasteland before them.
there he goes again, the words similar in nature to those he said that morning at the church. she's made no remarks about it then except for a simple question, and his reply to her at the time didn't make sense in any way―until now, with that admission. she should've noticed it, should've realised what it's about.
... she's starting to hate gawain's cockpit, she thinks idly. ]
I get it now. Why you keep excluding yourself when you talk about your plans, why you said that you're not a priority, [ she says with a look over her shoulder, meeting lelouch's eyes. ] Am I wrong?
[ to assume that he considers his life as least priority because he's already died? ]
cw: suicidal ideation
If I were to return, what do you suppose would happen to me? Do you think it'd work out so conveniently as it does here?
[ Lelouch stares down at her book, the words indistinguishable from this distance. ]
Don't be mistaken. I'm not bitter over it. Had I been given the option to redo what happened, I would make the same choice. [ It was, for all intents and purposes, essentially the way he chose to die. Having gone too far into his ambition to retreat, as he had the day he sentenced all those soldiers who would've killed him to perish in his place, there was always only one outcome for him. ] Suzaku's the one who lacks any regard for himself. If he could start caring for himself, before he returns... then perhaps it isn't too late for him to change.
[ He meets her gaze; he can't be without it right now, coerces it onto himself. ]
Protect him with me. He's a fool who doesn't see value in being alive.
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No, it wouldn't. [ to answer his question very bluntly. ] I know it wouldn't, because it didn't happen to me when I came back from the dead.
[ because she had to pick up the pieces of her life after she's woken up in st anne's, covered in the white shroud used to consecrate her. she had to struggle to regain her magic back, to find her place in the same community that took her life, to stand back up on her own two feet after being disgraced.
so she knows what it's like to question what her life would be like after she'd returned. ]
But you could always live. Find another path, do something else, go travel the world if you want to.
[ suzaku is another thing entirely, and she does agree with lelouch that he's an idiot who needs a stronger rein on his own life. she's seen it for herself when he crawled back to the church, covered in his own blood.
but perhaps she's preaching to the wrong choir, davina fighting back tears and the urge to drag him from his chair and toss him around with her magic. ] ... I'll protect Suzaku and you, because neither of you see the value in living. Which, by the way, is an insult to those who died but wasn't given a second lease on life.
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So she's died as well. It's hollowing, her expression, her tears, and so he can only answer with true and genuine honesty. ]
I forfeited my life for a purpose far greater than me. Circumstances are how they are that if I were to return... I couldn't come back as myself. Not the way I am now. It's enough for Suzaku to find the sense of self he lost, and live as he should have from the very beginning.
... There's one thing that's been bothering me. And that's the fact that you don't care for your own life as much as you should.
[ If she'd been the type to care for herself, and her own well-being, she would have allowed to Suzaku to die. He stares back evenly, knowing full well that her concerns are founded, that he's admitting far too much to take back. ]
I want you to protect yourself, before everything else.
[ Or else she'll die, just like every other person who's gotten close to him— why separating himself from Nunnally was so necessary, or else she'd be killed the same as all the others who chose to trust him wholeheartedly. ]
... I don't intend to die again, Davina. I'll find the way out of here for all of us.
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And then what? Once you've found the way out of here, what will happen to you?
[ he can grandstand all he wants about his plans and intentions and choices. but davina can tell that he's nevertheless excluding himself from all of those, focusing on others—which makes him the same kind of hypocrite as she is.
and does he truly believe that suzaku would hold onto that life he wants for him if he were to return to their world without lelouch? does he not realise whose life suzaku's world revolves around?
she folds her arms across her chest, steadying her foothold on gawain's floor. ]
You say that you don't intend to die again, but you don't seem too keen on returning to your world either.
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[ Maybe, maybe not. Anywhere's better than this world, but at least while they're tempting fate, he can entertain thoughts of something that will never come to be. Hypocrisy runs in their blood, after all. For as much as she protests, Davina understands. ]
If I'm given the option, I'll go. But I'd choose to prioritize either of you first. You've still got things to accomplish. A world to return to.
[ And Lelouch is outside, pragmatic as he can be. ]
It's only logical. ... If I don't figure a way out soon, Davina, then Suzaku... will end up destroying himself trying to do the same.
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she closes her eyes, lifting a hand to massage her head. no, she shouldn't think about it. it's not something she will allow to happen at all. ] Never mind me. Prioritise Suzaku and then yourself.
[ she's capable of dealing with this island without losing herself, unlike the both of them. and never mind that she has unfinished business back at home, it simply doesn't mean that she should take precedence over himself. she doesn't even understand why she's included in this talk, why she's suddenly part of his grand plan to send themselves home.
a beat, before she exhales heavily: ] ... There's always putting him to sleep until you've found a way out. But then knowing you, you'd destroy yourself doing the same thing while he slept, right?
[ prove her wrong, your majesty ]
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[ That promise is iron-clad; if he's dead, there's only Davina left to stop Suzaku from going off the deep end. Beyond himself, he can't expect anyone else to prioritize his friend's safety. It is what it is. He no longer cares for himself but it isn't as if his self-preservation instinct has disappeared the way it has for Suzaku. It's there, drowning in that roiling sea of purposelessness.
Since awakening in this place, his life has been the same: a lie, through and through. And if Suzaku died— if the dreams he persevered toward culminating in nothing— he'd only end up dying as well.
He stands at once, strides those narrow walkway stairs to her. ]
Don't put him to sleep. He should be free to decide as he will.
[ Even if Lelouch hates some of those choices with every fiber of his being. Acceptance has always been the most difficult lesson to learn. ]
... You've died once, same as I. So you know exactly why we can't let Suzaku go through the same thing.
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still, davina says nothing for a moment, if only because she nevertheless agrees with lelouch's sentiment about suzaku. it's perhaps hypocritical of her, given the blood that stains her hands, to say that she doesn't wish the finality of death to anyone―and yet, the case is true for the both of them. ]
No, we can't, [ she says with another sigh, lowering her gaze to her seat, to the papers scattered on it written with various signs and symbols in suspicious ink. ] Even though I know ...
[ that they wouldn't experience the same kind of afterlife as she did, she's certain of it. her lips press together thinly and her hands close to fists again, nails digging sharply into her palm. no, even if she knows that they won't, there's no way she'll allow any of them to die.
davina lifts and fixes her gaze on lelouch once more. ]
With that kind of resolve, then I suppose I should expect that you'd use everything you have at your disposal.
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They both hold onto it; he's as much of a killer as Suzaku, perhaps worse for that conscious realization that he'll always be this creature that acts one way and lies in others. She had to have realized that the first day, regaling her the stupid feats he'd caused and the death that followed in its wake.
She doesn't seem a willing martyr. So she must be like the rest of them, always, unconsciously, atoning for a wrong that needs to be righted. ]
I will. Whatever it takes. Whatever he needs, until he can return. [ He extends his hand to her. Lelouch isn't one for proximity, but what he's trying to offer to her now is sincere. ] I won't allow you to die in this place, not when you have a place to return to.
[ As if he could refuse her. ]
I trust you.
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You can rest easy, then. [ she offers him a smile. ] I have no intention to die.
[ that hasn't changed since they met the second time in the church, and she doesn't see it changing no matter how long it takes for her to return. she's made a promise back at home and she's yet to fulfill it, so she needs to go back. whatever it takes. ]
I hope you don't mind if I don't curtsy. [ or kiss his hand or whatever you do to kings like him. ] It's not my thing, as one leader to another.
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But she's no tool. Her help is what he'll earn, not wrest forcibly from her with geass, regardless of whether it'd work. It's important she understands that, and why he's yielded so many secrets to her, why Gawain's key is still in her hand and not his. There is no way out yet, but not for lack of trying. He relinquishes her hand, laughing. ]
No need. I only wanted your hand. I suppose I could go after your life next, as one leader to another.
[ Since competition is such an ill-mannered mistress. If Davina's more of a witch than C.C., she's likely got a coven to herself. ]
Rather than break my promise to you so soon, come by the church again. I'll meet you there. ... See you.
[ Looks like it's time to escort himself out, as haphazardly as he'd arrived. ]
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she's had enough of people using her. she wants a choice, for once.
davina lifts an eyebrow at that remark, amusement tugging at the corner of her lips as she draws her hand back. ]
You could, but that would mean letting Suzaku watch something very unpleasant, like having your ass handed to you.
[ and she's not that mean to mentally scar his best friend, or suicidal to make an enemy out of him; she's still mortal after all. so really, she'll take up his challenge when he can finally climb the scaffolding without running out of breath. until then, a truce is in order between them.
she lifts a hand to wave at him, smiling. ]
See you, Lelouch. Make sure to behave until I get back.